Why Some People Are Light Sleepers

It is a well known fact that when it comes to sleeping habits, some people seem oblivious to the house falling down around them, while others are roused by the slightest noise that seems out of place.

In a little known lifetime study conducted with questionable scientific reliability, I have come to the conclusion that many people who suffer from sleeping disorders owe their afflictions in no small part to allowing pets to share the bed chamber. The findings conclude that pet influences can be divided equally between cat and dog owners that allow their pets access to sleeping with their human caretakers, with slight variations in animal behaviors. The following pet activities, realized or not by their owners, are significant contributors to poor rest.

Contributing Factors from Cats:
1. Pouncing in the dark on genitals.
2. Growling at other cats prowling outside the bedroom window.
3. Licking and grooming themselves next to a sleeper’s head.
4. Pillow stomping back and forth during shifts in human positioning.
5. Foot attacks ten minutes before the alarm clock goes off.
6. Leaps onto the bed from raised positions like a nearby chest of drawers.
7. Standing on the solar plexus with weight shifted to one paw.
8. Late night breath sniffing to see if the person is awake.
9. Chasing lights from passing automobiles, reflected through closed blinds.
10. Snoring and loud purring.
11. Batting at metal blinds.
12. Cat box digging.
13. Hocking up hairballs.

Contributing Factors from Dogs:
1. Hopping across genitals in the dark.
2. Chouncing and licking their own genitals next to a sleeper’s head.
3. Growling and barking at strange noises.
4. Crowding and lip smacking.
5. Dreaming and flinching.
6. Nuzzling feet and hands.
7. Circling and flopping down across sleeper’s feet and legs.
8. Snoring.
9. Door scratching and wining.
10. Scratching themselves behind the ears.
11. Drooling.
12. Blanket digging.

Most people who can sleep through a tornado insist they cannot rest without the presence of a pet, while light sleepers tend to compromise by doing most of their sleeping at work. For sleep study workers who are baffled by light sleepers who seem able to fall asleep quickly and deeply in the laboratory, I say you just forgot to throw in the cat.

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